In the Hospital

I'm writing this entry in advance because I know I will probably still be in the hospital when it's time for it to be posted. If I'm not, I will have just recently been discharged and home with a brand new baby. In either case, I likely won't be able to write something for you.

Everyone seemed to expect me to be "ready for this to be over" for the last several weeks. But, toward the end, I was finally feeling settled in to things. That's probably because, just one month before E's delivery, we road tripped to St. Louis for a week, then moved into a new house. Once that was all over, bubble baths, naps and just generally taking it easy really helped me get back to "normal". I was finally feeling relaxed and okay just a week before checking in to the hospital.

I guess "okay" and "normal" aren't completely honest. My back was sore, I wasn't sleeping well at all, and when I did sleep, I had vivid, weird dreams. Still, considering all of the other possible troubles with being pregnant, I had little to complain about. I wasn't sick to my stomach, I could eat whole meals, I didn't have as much heart burn or any pain to speak of other than my back.

And I was thinking, in the last week before surgery, how privileged I am. I'm so lucky to be born into a country and a time period where and when having a c section (a third one, even) isn't a certain death sentence or even much of a risk. I'm fortunate that I know the doctor who will deliver my baby and she has been able to assure me that she sees no reason why anything would go wrong. It's incredible to live in a time and a place in which my biggest complaints are things like the possibility of vomiting during surgery, not being able to take a bath and having a hard time standing for a shower afterward, and not having any pajamas that don't involve pants with elastic or draw strings that will rub on my stitches.

Yes, as I write this, I am nervous about the surgery. But in conjunction with that feeling, I feel relieved to be so confident in modern medicine that I can expect to be holding my baby 30 minutes to an hour after he enters the world, even though most of that time will be spent putting me back together. And I'm thrilled to know that he'll be spending the interim almost entirely in the arms of his adoring (and overwhelmed) daddy.

As you're reading this, I'm either about to be discharged from the hospital, or I have very recently already been. You can expect to hear from me about our first week together next weekend. Until then, I doubt I'll be spending much time at the computer.