Wrapping Up 2012

It's been an inspiring year. At the close of 2012, my partner and I have now been together for 1 year and almost 5 months. We have a son and a house. I've finally met all of his immediate family, in two separate road trips. I saw North Carolina (and continental beaches), as well as Saint Louis for the first time.

We had a 5th birthday party for the twins at Chuck-e-Cheese, as per their request, at the beginning of the year. Then, we had a 3rd birthday party for M at the children's museum, and everyone decided they preferred that. We went to the zoo an incredible number of times, and the museum of nature and science once.

I decided to become a vastly different person this year. I chose to homeschool, start a blog, and immerse myself in baking and housekeeping. I'm finding these occupations quite satisfying. The strange thing is, it all started when I got fired from my office job at the funeral home at the beginning of the year.

It took me most of the year to be comfortable saying that I got fired. I still don't really believe that I deserved it. I stand by the fact that my training was lacking and the mistakes I made were due to being left entirely alone in the office with little knowledge of my duties in a very demanding role. From my experience there, I'm actually quite disappointed in the way they treat their employees in general. I'm glad I don't work there anymore. I've learned to enjoy my place in life and in our home. I've learned to respect myself quite a lot more than I did before, and I've learned that it's okay to be happy with being a mom, a partner, and a productive and useful member of the family without having to keep a career. At least for now.

Next year, I'm going to keep doing this. I'm going to keep loving my family and raising and educating my children. I'm going to continue letting my life unfold for me as it will, because the important things for me to actively pursue right now are healthy, happy, and intelligent children and a warm and stable family and home.

I have my own, personal goals, but they can wait for now. Since the world didn't end, I have the rest of my life and I need to stop being in such a hurry.

In the Hospital

I'm writing this entry in advance because I know I will probably still be in the hospital when it's time for it to be posted. If I'm not, I will have just recently been discharged and home with a brand new baby. In either case, I likely won't be able to write something for you.

Everyone seemed to expect me to be "ready for this to be over" for the last several weeks. But, toward the end, I was finally feeling settled in to things. That's probably because, just one month before E's delivery, we road tripped to St. Louis for a week, then moved into a new house. Once that was all over, bubble baths, naps and just generally taking it easy really helped me get back to "normal". I was finally feeling relaxed and okay just a week before checking in to the hospital.

I guess "okay" and "normal" aren't completely honest. My back was sore, I wasn't sleeping well at all, and when I did sleep, I had vivid, weird dreams. Still, considering all of the other possible troubles with being pregnant, I had little to complain about. I wasn't sick to my stomach, I could eat whole meals, I didn't have as much heart burn or any pain to speak of other than my back.

And I was thinking, in the last week before surgery, how privileged I am. I'm so lucky to be born into a country and a time period where and when having a c section (a third one, even) isn't a certain death sentence or even much of a risk. I'm fortunate that I know the doctor who will deliver my baby and she has been able to assure me that she sees no reason why anything would go wrong. It's incredible to live in a time and a place in which my biggest complaints are things like the possibility of vomiting during surgery, not being able to take a bath and having a hard time standing for a shower afterward, and not having any pajamas that don't involve pants with elastic or draw strings that will rub on my stitches.

Yes, as I write this, I am nervous about the surgery. But in conjunction with that feeling, I feel relieved to be so confident in modern medicine that I can expect to be holding my baby 30 minutes to an hour after he enters the world, even though most of that time will be spent putting me back together. And I'm thrilled to know that he'll be spending the interim almost entirely in the arms of his adoring (and overwhelmed) daddy.

As you're reading this, I'm either about to be discharged from the hospital, or I have very recently already been. You can expect to hear from me about our first week together next weekend. Until then, I doubt I'll be spending much time at the computer.

Applesauce Cookies with Caramel Icing

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

These cookies are light, moist and not terribly sweet. The icing is very sweet and excessively decadent on it's own if you ask me. Together, they make one very enjoyable cookie. In fact, everyone in my house loved them.

Applesauce Cookies
Serves 30 cookies
Total time about 1 hour

Ingredients:


2 cups sugar
1 cup shortening
2 eggs
2 cups applesauce
4 cups flour
2 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp. ground cloves


Instructions:

Heat the oven to 375 degrees.
In a large bowl (you will need two large bowls all together) mix together flour, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, and cloves.
In a separate large bowl (you will need to fit dry and wet ingredients together in this one) cream together shortening and eggs.
Add eggs and applesauce. Mix well.
Mix dry ingredients into wet ingredients and mix until well blended.
Drop small spoonfuls of batter onto prepared cookie sheet (spray, grease, or parchment paper. I love parchment paper, personally).
Bake for 8-10 minutes. 

Caramel Icing

Ingredients:


6 tbsp. butter
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 tsp. vanilla
2 cups powdered sugar


Instructions:

In a medium saucepan, over medium heat, combine butter, heavy cream, and brown sugar. Stir occasionally until mixture begins to boil. Immediately remove from heat and stir in vanilla. Let cool, then add powdered sugar.

Spread icing over cookies.

Original recipe found at redtri.com with nutrition facts. Modifications made to instructions, based on my experience.

Baking Soda and Peroxide Laundry Booster

This one is dedicated to all of the moms out there who are baffled by that weird discoloration on their car seat covers.

If you're like me, you rarely ever take your car seats out of your car, and when you do, you're horrified by what you see. The twins are big enough and old enough to be sitting in booster seats with seat belt guides. They buckle themselves in, so I don't really look at their seats long enough or often enough to realize how dingy the're getting until I bring them inside for some reason.

I'm not exactly sure what goes into this weird color that covers the seat, so I wasn't sure what would take it out. All of the best guides I could find were based on what type of stain you're fighting. That doesn't help me. To the best of my knowledge, it's probably sweat, dirt, the occasional ground-in food from our road trips, spilled juices of various types, and, in the summer, possibly even lake water. What it has become is something entirely different: one, uniform-colored, disgusting spot that does NOT want to come out with normal laundering.

This is really embarrassing, but for the sake of the experiment, I'll add a picture of the mess so you can see what I mean.

This is after a thorough washing with detergent
and vinegar. I don't have a "before" picture, but let
me assure you it looked basically the same before
and after the first wash.

One particular problem with washing these is that I don't usually have a lot of time to test new ideas with them, or to stain soak them. When they're not in the car, it's because we need the space for some other purpose. Today, my partner is going to pick up big-kid beds for the twins. Then, they have to go right back in the car in case we need them, and because we often do. This is the nature of car seats.

I had to find something that would work relatively quickly, on all kinds of stains, and preferably not require lots of scrubbing (if you recall from previous posts, I spend a lot of time scrubbing the pit stains out of shirts already).

Here's what I tried:

1/2 cup baking soda
1/2 cup peroxide

Add both directly to your wash, as well as the detergent you would normally use, let it agitate for a bit to stir it all up, then open the machine and let it soak for at least a couple of hours. I've read that the baking soda and peroxide mixture loses its potency after only 6 hours, so any soaking for more than 6 hours is probably pointless but it won't damage your fabrics. In other words, you can let it soak over night, or from breakfast time until lunch if you want. You could leave it there all day if you forget about it, but it will stop doing any stain lifting after about 6 hours.

There are two booster seat covers in there.
The other one is mostly brown with some pink,
so it is less shocking in the before photos.

Obviously, this isn't quite as fast as I would like for it to be, but the advantage is that I get to just leave it there, out of my way, for the soak time.

Since this was my first attempt with this method, I was obsessively checking the load as it soaked to see if anything had changed. About 3 hours in, I was starting to seriously doubt I was accomplishing anything at all. When I finally transferred it to the dryer at almost 6 hours, I still wasn't sure.

This is the result of the baking soda
and peroxide soak and then regular
wash cycle

The truth is, I'm pretty sure it's cleaner than it was. You be the judge. I know the lighting is different in each picture, but I think it's still evident that at least some of the nasty came out in the wash. I'm not totally satisfied with the results. I'm less embarrassed about it than I was, at least, but that might just be because I put an honest effort into getting it clean so I have an excuse. There still remains a strange discoloration on the seat cover. You may particularly notice it on the right side pink area. Thankfully, I have another plan and will revisit this cleaning project after a trip to the store.

After doing a bit of research, the internet oracle provided me with this little bit of information: While the recipes I found use baking soda, a more effective alternative might be washing soda. I'll have to try that once I've acquired some. But I think that baking soda and peroxide might work just fine on less incredible stains, and would probably be great for kids' clothes and cloth diapers if you're trying to avoid using harsh chemicals. Plus, baking soda is something you're more likely to have just sitting around in your pantry.

*Note - I am aware that I could buy a back-up set of car seat covers and allow myself more time for stain removal. But I like my solution.

Thankful for My Divorce

I came across an article on the Huffington Post website that was posted on Thanksgiving day. It was a compilation of rather heartwarming twitter responses to the question, "What are you most thankful for about your divorce?"

Find the article here.

If I had to put it in 140 characters or less, I'd say, "that it will allow me to be loved and respected and show my kids what that really means."

Or maybe, "That it's finally almost over."

My husband and I have been physically separated, states apart, for almost two years at this point. For almost that entire time (minus a month or two), we've been at least talking about divorce. it all began with me going to a counselor on a regular basis for a while. In his office, I found I was digging up and discovering a whole range of deeply negative thoughts about my husband and our relationship.

It didn't take long for me to ask for a divorce, and I tried to be honest about why. In the beginning, he was more than a little hesitant to let me go. That turned into bitterness that I would, "just give up on us".

I started the process trying to be considerate of his feelings, knowing that he would be dealing with a lot of pain. But it felt like he was trying to make me feel guilty... like he was trying to hurt me. I quickly turned to just being uncaring because I was honestly hoping that he would give up on me if I acted like a callous jerk. But I hated being that person, and eventually relaxed into a fairly neutral position.

After months had gone by and I had had my fill of crying, I wasn't interested in listening to him tell me what a horrible person I was anymore. On the other hand, I didn't want to hear about how much he missed me, either. Most of all, I tried to establish that I did not, by any stretch of the imagination, have to deal with his flip-flopping and never knowing, when I picked up the phone, what I was in for. When that didn't stop, I blocked his calls and accepted only his text messages because I was better able to ignore them until I was ready to read them, and then calculate my responses. It helped that I didn't have to feel guilty about that because he rarely ever answered my calls, and often only called back days later when he missed them.

I tried a few different angles to the divorce process. We originally agreed on divorce mediation because it seemed like it would be cheaper than hashing it out with lawyers, and easier than trying to figure out all the paperwork for ourselves. But every time I came up with what seemed to me to be a reputable mediation service, he would get irritated with them not calling him back on time or not receiving his faxes, call them unprofessional, and refuse to work with them.

Finally, it was decided that we would just gather all of the paperwork and instructions online, fill it out ourselves, and I would file it in Colorado. Fine. But instead of just following the steps and answering the questions on a nice, automated website I found, he wanted to have it reviewed by a lawyer. I'm okay with covering your bases, and I'd much rather have a professional look at it early on than find out that we left a gaping hole somewhere. Unfortunately, it took him an incredibly long time to have it reviewed.

Everything had to be signed, most of it notarized. So there was a lot of passing back and forth and then crunch time at the UPS store with a notary. And, as a result of all of his foot-dragging and a lot of things going on in my life, I will admit that I didn't feel a great pressure to get to the court house right away to file the stuff.

I finally got the first portion of the paperwork filed and the divorce process officially started after a doctor's appointment  (12/11/12) and found out we had one form missing. Thankfully, it wasn't essential to start the process, and I have two weeks to get it back in to them. So, again, I've mailed him a manila envelope with a couple of documents that aren't fully completed. This is a familiar process because it happened more than once when we were trying to transfer the title of my Buick from his name to mine. He seems to like to do things the "easiest possible way" and avoid "unnecessary extra steps", but always ends up falling into the category of "sloppy work" and "I need you to redo this." Which resulted in dragging my kids to the DMV three separate times.

Anyway, since I mailed him the paperwork, I haven't heard from him at all. I'm really crossing my fingers, here, that he will get it back to me in time. He does know it needs to be filed next Tuesday.

An Open Letter To Baby E

I was taking a bubble bath, and I covered my belly in bubbles and imagined what you would think of them if you could see them. I thought, "baby E's first bubble bath". Then, while I was so focused on you, I realized there are a few things I want to write down before you're born so the two of us never have to forget them.

You have three older sisters. I'll apologize for that, now. But I think someday you might be glad you did. Just know that there will rarely be a quiet moment once you're out in the world and be thankful that you have your own bedroom and that there are two bathrooms in this house. There will be times when you are their bitter enemy, I'm sure. But, you should know (and I will remind them) that they were excited to add you to our family. M even tells me almost every day that she loves or likes my baby. She knows your name, but likes to think of you as her baby brother instead.

If you're anything like I was, there will be times when you wish you were the older sibling and it will drive you crazy to have big sisters telling you how the world works and bossing you around. Remember that they were my guinea pigs and be glad it wasn't you. I had no idea what I was doing when I had the twins. I made a lot of little mistakes and I was an emotional wreck every time I thought something went wrong. Hopefully, you will have the benefit of my experience. And because you came after three other kids, you will be born into a happier, more stable and loving home than they were. Also, there will be lots of toys and entertainment.

And, lucky you, being a boy. There won't be any hand-me-downs.

Life is going to be difficult. You're going to think it's unfair. Sometimes, you're going to think we don't care enough, and other times you'll wish we cared less. You're going to think we don't understand you, we don't know better than you do, and we aren't on to your deceptions. I know this because your sisters already think these things sometimes. I'll let you in on a little secret, though: sometimes, you'll be right. But it probably won't be when you're five.

We're a strange family. You'll get to know all of the reasons why over the course of your life. But I want you to start with this as a foundation: no matter how weird you end up thinking your family is, we love you. We love each other. We support each other, and we're going to be there for you... even if we embarrass you a little bit here and there.

Love,
Your momma

Setting The Record Straight

In my nearly six years of parenthood (more if you count pregnancy), I have often found myself consulting the wise and powerful Google for answers to things I never thought I'd need to know. There are forums, blogs, research articles, and books at my disposal to solve problems with everything from what goes into your kid (milk or formula, how much fiber or vitamin C, safe and unsafe medicines), to what comes out (diapering, potty training, screaming fits, vomiting, bleeding). There's advice for everything. I really try not to put myself in that category because I don't think I'm special.

Recently, it has been weighing on my mind that I have done something that is really unsettling for me, that most of those other mom's and doctors tend to do. I have allowed you to believe that I've got it under control. When I answer the phone (for anyone but my partner or my mom) I always sound chirpy and upbeat. When I blog, it's always about success. If you saw me in the grocery store, my hair and makeup would be done, I'd be nicely dressed and smiling. And, while I am doing just fine and I don't want anyone to worry about us as a family, I think it's important to be realistic.

I bake, clean, cook, homeschool, and manage to take care of myself. I'm planning to add some backyard farming to that in the spring, and make it extra complicated with breastfeeding and cloth diapers. But I'm not doing any one of those things perfectly, or every day. Sometimes I drop the ball for more than a week at a time on laundry, and don't bake at all for a month because I'm tired. So, this is for all of the moms out there who aren't Suzie Homemaker, even if they do a great job making everyone else think they are.

Sometimes, I don't get enough sleep at night. I'm a light sleeper anyway, and my partner sometimes talks in his sleep or elbows or pushes me away. Sometimes, (honestly, a lot in the late months of this pregnancy) I fall asleep on the couch in the morning while the kids play in their room. I know I'll wake up if they need me, and I'm always up in time to make lunch. Besides, I'm useless when I'm that tired.

Sometimes, I lose my temper. There is a limit to how many screaming fits over, "she won't let me play with that!" I can handle. I have a theory that it's like a line at a popular deli in the winter at lunch time. Patron after patron can line up, waiting to be served, but their orders can only be processed at a certain speed. After a while, people are lined up all the way out the door, in the cold, getting irritated. In other words, if I don't have time to iron out the frustration from the last screaming fit and resulting timeout, the next one just piles more on top until I eventually start fuming.

Lately, I generally don't do the dishes, I only do the laundry maybe 2/3 of the time, and I almost never make dinner. This has been slowly developing as I become more and more encumbered by baby E. My partner has been very considerate in helping pick up the slack, since I need to be sitting or lying down more.

I'm wearing my pajamas most of the time. I have several outfits of pajamas. I take a shower or a bath every day, and make sure that my clothes are clean. But I don't see why I should bother getting dressed, doing my makeup and hair, and making myself uncomfortable if I'm literally going to be in the house all day. This is especially true regarding maternity wear. And if there might be finger painting or children baking going on that day, I'd much rather get my PJs messy than my nice clothes.

I talk to myself when the kids aren't around. This is mostly only when I'm in the bathroom, or when they're napping. I think I do it because I don't like being removed from other adults all day. This is also why I don't like for my partner to go grocery shopping on his way home from work or spend an evening out with friends without me. Of course, I let those things happen because they should, but that doesn't mean I don't wish he was home.

And, let's not forget, I got fired. I didn't choose this role for myself. I clumsily, and with much resistance, fell into it. I wanted to be a career mom with an important job that my kids could tell their public school teachers and friends about. I wanted to make them proud of me, and I wanted to be proud of myself. I thought a career was how I would get there. I still think that's one great way to achieve that goal, but I'm finally glad I'm not on that path anymore. It just took me about a year to stop struggling. And all of these homemaker hobbies I've picked up are mostly a result of failing at my office job, and subsequently failing to find another job that paid well enough, last winter.

Gun Ownership

Today (Friday, December 14, 2012), a crazy and unforgivable thing happened in Connecticut. I'm sure you know what I'm referring to. A single person killed 28 other people, including 20 elementary school kids. Excuse me for getting a little topical, here. I know this isn't usually my style. Today, though, I just can't help it because there are a couple of really important things I just feel I should say.

First and foremost, this is a horrible tragedy. I can't fathom what all of the people in that town are dealing with right now. The 2011 census says the population of Newtown, Connecticut was 1,960. That's really pretty comparable to some of the smaller towns I grew up in. I've noticed a lot of my friends expressing condolences for the families and the victims. It is incredible and heartwarming to see people who have never even been to Connecticut feeling sympathetic, but remember that in small towns, something like this effects literally everyone.

Newtown being such a small place also puts an awkward new perspective on the school shooting (and, more generally, the mass shooting) problem. I'm not noticing any new articles mentioning that. Columbine High School is in Littleton, Colorado, where I lived in my apartment before we moved into our house. The funeral home I worked at served several of those families, in fact. Some news articles refer to Littleton as a "small community", but having lived there for a cumulative year and a half, I can tell you Littleton is a suburb of the Denver metro area and should hardly be considered separate from it or "small". The Virginia Tech massacre took place in Blacksburg, Virginia, which has a population of 42,600.

This is not the first time in my life that I have suggested that people from small towns feel immune to the craziness of the outside world. But, honestly, even I thought this kind of thing was almost an impossibility for a town where everyone probably knows everyone. The news is particularly shattering as a result.

Then there's the obvious fact that this was an elementary school. At the point that I am writing this, Adam Lanza (20) is believed to be the gunman. He shot and killed his mother, who worked at the school, as well as 20 young children and himself. I have to wonder what motivated him. As a mother, I can't imagine any of my children growing up with a desire to murder me. Was there something dramatically wrong with Adam? And to be so indifferent to human life that he would take that of so many children...

I'm not sure there is anything more to be said.

But on another note, I will not be so naive as to jump on the gun control bandwagon as a result of such tragedies. We are a gun-owning household. I am not personally a gun owner. I have formed my own opinions about gun ownership in the time that I have known my partner.

Laws don't stop criminals, that's why they're criminals. Gun laws won't stop criminals from ending up with guns, illegally or not. They'll just make it harder for law abiding citizens to acquire them through legal means. I don't own (and thus don't carry) firearms because I don't want the hassle of registering... and I don't know where I'd put a holster. Honestly, I already have to deal with the DMV. That's enough for me. But, believe me, if I had one on me when some crazy person walked into the food court at the mall and pointed his gun at you, I'd protect you with mine. I know my partner would, too.

The retort I often hear to that argument is something like a heavy, sarcastic, "because nothing saves more lives than random stray gunfire by trigger-happy hero-types who have no idea what to do in a panicked shoot out!" I tend not to respond to this sort of cynicism because I don't really enjoy all of us pro-gun-ownership people being lumped into the "trigger-happy hero-types" category. I get my feathers a little ruffled and prefer saying nothing over starting an asinine argument about stereotyping. Let me just say, did you know that when representative Gabrielle Giffords was shot in Tuscon, Arizona, the gunman was tackled by a retired army colonel and further subdued by a concealed carry permit holder who had a firearm on his person and chose not to use it because of the crowd?

We're not all about stray bullets and casualties. Real life isn't a video game. We're not all perfect and not a single one of us is a super hero, but every gun owner I personally know I would vouch for as a judicious person with whom I would trust my life. Again, I'm not a gun owner, but I do like having one around.

Moving In

As of today, we have been living in the new house for one week and there are still almost a dozen boxes left unpacked, in the rooms in which they belong. This weekend, we're gathering the rest of our things from the apartment and, if we have time, cleaning up after ourselves. We have until the 15th to move out.

The house is functional. We have all of the large furniture moved, internet set up, dishes mostly unpacked, and a play room full of toys. We bought a washer and dryer at an Arc Thrift store, and they seem to work perfectly well.

Things I'm enjoying about the new place:

1. large shower stall with nice tile floors and a built-in bench in the master bathroom. It's nice just to have a second bathroom to ourselves (and thus not full of step stools and potties). But the shower is quite nice. It really is so much better than standing in a bath tub to take a shower.

2. Play room with french doors. I can see what the kids are doing even when the doors are closed, but I don't have to put up with quite so much noise. Don't get me wrong, I can still hear them. The shrill noises are just conveniently dampened.

3. Porcelain tub. It's in the "kid's bathroom", and it's not a claw foot, but it is certainly an upgrade from the shallow, formed-plastic tub at the apartment. It's deeper, and it doesn't slowly, quietly drain while you're taking a bath. Also, it cleans phenomenally easily.

4. The neighbors. To one side, we have middle-aged military veteran (long-term) renters who are extremely personable and full of smiles. To the other side, we have a quiet family with one, school-aged daughter remaining at home. Across the way, another quiet household from which we've only met one member so far. Everyone seems exceptionally neighborly.

Things I'm not enjoying so much:

1. The floors. Almost the entire house has wood or tile floors. My feet are freezing without socks, or slipping around with them. Also, the dogs' claws are unprecedentedly annoying. On the other hand, watching two large dogs try to navigate such slick surfaces is fairly entertaining. Besides, this problem could be solved with slippers and rugs.

2. It's so big. This will be nice in the future, but I'm only a few weeks from the big day with baby E, and chasing three kids and two dogs across a house that is almost 2.5 times the size of my old apartment is proving... uncomfortable to say the least. It seems like I spend a lot more time "taking breaks" on the couch or at the dining table.

I haven't really had a chance to put the kitchen to use yet. There are still a few boxes in the middle of the floor, full of things I don't use much. Besides, the last thing I'm concerned with right now is baking. The same is true for the yard. I am really enjoying being able to let the dogs out with relative ease, but the kids haven't spent much time out there because I can't physically keep up with them at the moment.

The move really wore me out. I had a few days of concern surrounding it during which my doctors were concerned I might have high blood pressure, but it turned out I was probably just dehydrated since I wasn't keeping track of my water intake while things were being moved. It took me most of this week to really recover from that.



Baby E and I are scheduled for surgical separation on the 26th of this month, only 5 days before his predicted due date. I'm excited to meet him, and to have my body to myself (more or less) again, but we still have a few loose ends to tie up. We need to put his crib together, order some cloth diapers, and actually settle on a car seat still. I do hate waiting until the last minute.

Homeschool Update

I can't seem to find time to write about this stuff, lately. We've had a lot going on. We haven't been doing structured lessons for a while, now. That makes our progress even harder to blog about.

It's strange to see friends of mine (who are also parents) touting what their kids did at school and not really having any comparable material to judge my kids' progress. I miss the hard evidence. On the other hand, we spend a lot of time working on intangible things. I can tell you that S's speech therapy is going quite well, C is softening her rough edges about being bossy, and M is slowly working on the "LMNOP" problem, and vastly improving her verbal clarity.

S - The oldest twin has some follow-through trouble. She doesn't want to sit down on the couch to read, or at the table to draw or write. But she will sit on the floor and build marble tracks or play with blocks for an hour. She's also very emotionally fragile.I'm concerned that she is becoming like I was in elementary school: Terrified of all scenarios in which failure seems possible or likely. I'm working hard on my positive reinforcement with her and trying not to encourage panicking and crying about every mistake. I'm also stepping up and defending her against her bossier twin, more in an attempt to teach C not to treat her sisters that way than to protect S.

C - The younger twin loves to draw. She started out trying to draw copies of things she saw, so I bought her her some simple "how to draw" books. Only a few weeks later, she's now drawing people with personalizing details and other things, like fire trucks, from memory. She has constant, unregulated access to paper and pencils, and gets crayons basically whenever she asks for them (we can't just leave them out because one of our dogs has a crayon eating habit). C's bossiness seems to decrease in frequency every time I catch her shouting at the others. Sometimes I wish I could find a bossier kid for her to hang out with so she could see how it feels.

M - With the three-year-old, we're working through a mess of attitude. She went from being manipulative to just plain disrespectful, recently. But she's hitting an immovable wall on that path, too. It feels weird to tell my youngest daughter, "We make your food and buy your clothes and make sure you have a place to live and toys to play with. You will, at the very least, be respectful to us." And maybe it's overkill, but I think it's important for her to understand the weight of our role in her life (to what small degree she is able at this age) and WHY she needs to respect us. I don't believe in the blanket statement of, "respect your elders!" I just want to raise kids who respect people who deserve it, and most of the people they know definitely do.

In general, we've been doing a lot of household work together. They help me clean when I'm doing dishes, laundry, or vacuuming and they help me with some of my baking projects. I do my best to use these things as opportunities to teach them life skills, math, reading, and other skills. C (five-years-old) feels like she's ready to learn to cut vegetables. I'm waiting for a day when I'm not already busy and stressed. That might have to happen on a weekend, when both adults can be there.

Laundry Stain Removal Liquid

As I mentioned in a previous post, I make my own stain removal liquid using peroxide, baking soda, and liquid dish soap. This started because I was at wit's end trying to figure out how to get yellow stains out of the armpits of someone's white t-shirts. My usual methods, including bleach, weren't working. This might sound silly, but letting him leave the house in those shirts made me feel like I was advertising my laundry failure.

I'm sure there are things I could buy in the laundry isle at the grocery store that would solve this problem, but I'll do almost anything to avoid adding more bottles of mystery liquid to my grocery list or cabinets. If I can use things I already have for new purposes, I call it a win.

I came across a recipe specifically intended to help get armpit stains out. It suggested peroxide and  liquid dish soap. Ideally, I would make my own liquid dish soap, that way I could know exactly what's in this stuff. I'm not that self-sufficient yet. I do have a recipe for dish soap, I just haven't convinced myself to try it yet. You don't have to make your own, either. Dawn works. The off-brand stuff I buy works just as well.

Anyway, I also added baking soda to create a thicker, more abrasive solution. I can't tell you exactly how much. I didn't measure.

What You Need:

• one part liquid dish soap
• two parts peroxide
• some baking soda

How We Did It:

Mix Ingredients: The first time I did this, I made only a small amount and planned to use all of it on one load of discolored t-shirts. I wasn't sure if it would maintain potency for a whole week or more. It does. I now make it by the jar. I reuse glass Alfredo sauce jars, specifically. I have a lot of jars in my pantry, and I need to use them for something.

Apply To Stains: Start with a dry t-shirt. It's okay if you've washed and dried it since it got the stains. Believe me, I washed and dried the offending t-shirts at least half a dozen times with increasing levels of belligerence before I finally found this recipe. Thoroughly saturate the problem areas with the solution. I used a clean toothbrush (that I don't use for brushing teeth) to agitate it and make sure the stain remover made it all the way through the fabric.

Let Stand: I applied the stain remover in the morning, when I started my first load of laundry, then let it sit until I was ready to run the last load. That translates to at least a few hours, but doesn't seem as long because the rest of the white load is also waiting to be washed that whole time so it's not really an inconvenience. Because I'm maybe a little obsessive or easily bored, I stopped by to scrub them a bit more every now and then. I don't think that's necessary. I just really hate pit stains.

 Wash: Wash as you normally would. This stuff works on more than just yellowed pits on white t-shirts. You can use it on colors, too. I don't know how he gets pit stains in olive green shirts... but this stuff gets those out as well as the taco/spaghetti/hot wing sauce he inevitably gets on his light-colored shirts. And when one of the kids woke up with a nose bleed, it got that out of her polka dot sheets (it just took a little more time and effort).

Thanksgiving Vacation

For Thanksgiving, we road tripped from Denver to Saint Louis for a week of fun and time spent with my partner’s family. I had never been to Saint Louis, and I have to admit, the city itself isn’t particularly exciting unless you love old, decrepit buildings (which I actually do). Still, there is a lot of interesting stuff to do.

Admission to the zoo is free, and street parking is free. You have to pay for certain exhibits, but nothing my kids wanted to see was outside of the free areas. The science center is also free. We paid for parking there, because we didn’t want to have to walk too far in the cold, but you can apparently find free street parking. The IMax theater inside the science center charges and seems to operate like a normal theater, but my kids aren’t interested in that. Plus, there are some interesting (free) parks with climbable sculptures and space to run.

Then there’s the Saint Louis City Museum. General admission (ages 3+) is $12, but it’s completely worth it. There is an enormous play structure just inside the doors, and one outside as well, that is what I wished all play structures were like when I was a kid. It’s not made of colored plastic tubes with matching slides and foam-padded floors. There are tiny, dark crawl spaces, metal climbing structures, an enormous whale, and a three-story slide. The outdoor play area is monstrous and built mostly of metal with crawling tubes made of rebar where kids can look down on their parents.

I will tell you from experience, if you choose not to follow your kids through the play structure at the City Museum, you may not have any idea where they are for 30 minutes or more at a time. They will probably only come back to tell you about something exciting they did or found. But it seems like the staff is used to that. The wristbands you receive at the counter have a space to write your cell phone number, in case your kids get lost. And one staff member announced, “if you don't know where your kids are, its because you didn't go with them. Be patient. They'll be back. They have until 5 PM to be away from you.” At first, the idea of letting them run free, without me, in a mostly-hidden structure full of other children made me panic, but I honestly felt like my kids were pretty safe there. But if you’re concerned, like I was, plan to either crawl through with them or bring people who can.

Another great experience for my kids was Ted Drewes Frozen Custard. They didn’t know what frozen custard was, and were resistant to the idea of having something that is “like ice cream, but not” but it was delicious. They have an incredible selection of flavors and a tiny (unadvertised) cup size for little kids. For me, it was particularly enjoyable because the place has been around since 1929.

All in all, every one of my girls agreed that they had A LOT of fun in Saint Louis, and they want to go back. The free admission to the zoo and the science center is almost enough to make me want to live there... almost. But, on the way back through Denver at the tail end of our trip home, I remembered how clean, new, and enjoyable my city is. I made the comment, “You know, I think Denver is for spoiled 20-somethings... and I’m okay with being one of those people.” I spent a lot of my childhood in places that looked basically like Saint Louis, but smaller. As an adult, I love where I am.

Just to keep you updated, as this is being posted, we are working on moving into our new house! We closed on a nice little house with a great yard on Thursday, and convinced our wonderful friends to help us move the large furniture from our 3rd floor apartment this weekend. I’ll update you on that part of our lives next weekend.