If You Want Something Done Right...

If you want something done right, do it yourself; and by all means, don’t let your ex get his hands on it. As you may have read, our first week of lessons went swimmingly, and our second week happened to be the week their dad was planning to be in town. Now, after a week away from home, we’re starting over on things I thought we had figured out.

We’ve had to put lessons on hold so I can put my full attention and (limited) energy toward reteaching the household rules as well as personal responsibility and hygiene. The attitudes around here have become resistant and defiant enough that it has been difficult even to convince myself to TRY structured lessons. Not to mention, I certainly don’t want to further distract them from their potty responsibilities, since their attention to their bodily needs has become... lax.

It has only been one week since they returned from their visit, at this point. We have already made huge improvements. It was just very upsetting to me and to our routine to be put in this situation.

Additionally, the home school planner came back to me reflecting only two, half-hour lessons for each of my daughters for the entire week that they were away. While I recognize that their dad would probably like for his visits to be like vacations, I did inform him in advance that it wouldn’t be possible, considering the hours we need to squeeze in. It’s also not terribly difficult to teach them because they think it’s fun.

On the upside, I got divorce paperwork filled out, reviewed by a lawyer, printed, signed and notarized last week. Now I’m just waiting for a copy of our marriage license to be returned to me in the mail so I can file. Unfortunately, divorce only solves some of our problems. I’m also going to need to learn to make demands and get him to give our kids what they need (and I’m not even talking about college funds or cars).

Staying Positive

For reference if you aren't familiar with practice paper.

This is a difficult one for me. It’s fairly easy to stay positive when explaining things to the kids, but not as simple to stay positive in my head when things aren’t going right. I think that’s okay, as long as you don’t get stuck on that track.

This week, during writing practice, one of my daughters drew an ‘e’. It was very well structured for a five-year-old’s hand writing. It was even the right size. The problem was that it floated on the dotted line on her practice paper, instead of spanning the space between the dotted line and the bottom line.

She panicked. “I messed it up!”, she said. I looked at it and noticed how upset she was. So I pointed out that it was actually a really great ‘e’, and that’s a pretty difficult letter to draw, since it has a round part and straight line all in one. She did a good job. “it just belongs down here”. And, “you know what? It’s not a problem. You have lots of paper, and you have an eraser. You can choose to erase and start over, or leave it there and make a new one. There’s plenty of space.”

Attitude adjusted, she chose to erase the offending letter and try again. And she got it right the second time. Also a significant note: she was noticeably more pleased with that second ‘e’ than she was with getting any other letter right on the first try.

But, earlier that same day, I found myself in a funk during nap time. My five-year-olds don’t want to take naps anymore, and they probably don’t really NEED them anymore (except on days when we’re particularly active). But my two-year-old needs a nap every day. They share a room, and I don’t have enough space to let the five-year-olds stay up where they won’t keep the younger one awake. But their presence in the bedroom, while not sleeping, keeps the two-year-old awake anyway. For the last week, we’ve been having particularly persistent problems, and I can’t seem to devise a solution.

They get multiple timeouts every day as a result of this problem. It’s really the only thing they get timeouts for anymore. After a couple of sessions of that, I get frustrated. So I’ve tried lots of different theories on them; most of which worked for a week or so before they lose power somehow.

Since my whole world is centered around my children (stay-at-home-mom/homeschooler), these things are especially discouraging. So, when they persist for several days, I feel disappointed in myself for not being able to work it out.

Maybe this is just a little biased, since I clearly don’t want to be broken or wrong, but I don’t think there’s anything unusual about that. In fact, I think it is part of what makes me good at what I do. It upsets me to be unable to fix a problem, so I devote a lot of time and thought to finding a solution, and I try a lot of different methods before I give up. But, there will be failures. So, when failure gets me down, I try to remind myself that it is a side effect of caring so much about my kids and my parenting.

I’ve been steeped in the fallout of disappointments this week, more than usual. I have a feeling I’m not the only parent who ever feels this way. So, hopefully sharing how I cope with it might help someone else remember what a wonderful mom or dad they are. I’m no psychologist, but I think it’s okay to feel that way, as long as it’s only temporary.