Also, there was a required parenting class where you're supposed to learn how to handle minor children with regards to your ex spouse. I knew about this, but I've had a hard time getting to one.
It's not that I don't think a class like this is a generally good idea. And I'm a pretty reasonable person. I don't really know if it applies to me or would be helpful in my particular case, but I wasn't trying to avoid taking it. I just had real-life issues that barricaded my way.
I had 3 kids and was massively pregnant. Then, I had major surgery. Now, I have 4 kids, one of whom is breast feeding every 2 or 3 hours (except at night). The classes are all 4 hours long, you can't take your kids, and most of them overlap lunch time for the kids. Most of them are also half an hour or more away from me. There are online classes available, but they expect you to get child care for those, too, and it's questionable whether those are even accepted in Jefferson County. There is one location near my house, but the next class for that location isn't until next month.
I can't do weekdays because my only child care option is my partner. Keep in mind that these classes cost at least $60, and I'm not really able to pay for that and babysitting for 3 kids and an infant for 4 hours (5 if you count driving). And I can't do Saturdays, starting the 23rd, until after 10:15am because of C's guitar lessons. Overlapping guitar lessons wouldn't be a problem, since D can take C to her lessons, but the only car that all of the car seats fit in is mine, I can't drive D's car, and I can't take ANY of the kids with me to the parenting class. Of course, they don't do Sundays.
So, I had to squeeze a class in on the 16th, the day after our finalization, 30 miles away, and hope that the magistrate would accept a receipt stating that I registered for the class and a plea for his/her understanding.
But everything went smoothly. It was my first time in a real court room, and with a guy in one of those black smocks with the giant sleeves. The magistrate only cared to know that I was scheduled to take a class, and didn't even ask for a receipt. The whole final hearing took less than 15 minutes. It was actually fairly anticlimactic, but I'm not complaining. And the magistrate thanked and congratulated us for working together to come to an agreement on what worked for us and was best for the kids, pointing out that it's quite difficult for some people, and some never manage.
I know I should be relieved that it's over, and I am. But I'm also kind of sad. I just spent the last 4 years in a marriage I had to give up on. I think society has taught me to be ashamed of a failed marriage in a lot of ways. After all, we call it a failed marriage. And my now-ex husband did a great job of trying to make me feel guilty about it, too. At first, it was direct blame, then it was allusive: "I don't plan on getting remarried anytime soon. I need to find someone with good, Christian values."
That might not sound like circuitous blame to you, but let me assure you, it felt like it, especially since he went out of his way to say it, out of any context, when we weren't even talking. I simply replied with something like, "Probably. I mean, I just don't believe that marriage is forever, even when it's awful and obviously not going to work." Which I honestly (childishly) hoped would also strike a chord.
Anyway, I'm glad it's over. I may never have to go to the Jefferson County Courthouse again, which is nice since it's on the other side of town. But it will take more time to reconcile the less enjoyable feelings that I can't really rationalize. Nothing is that simple.
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