Exciting News

We FINALLY got our ultrasound this morning. The girls were all excited to go see the baby, but almost totally lost interest after they saw what they wanted to see. My partner got a half-day off of work for it, so it was a room full of family.

Let me just get this out of the way: baby is healthy. All organs are normal, heart rate is perfect, growth is right on schedule... no complaints.

Also, it's a boy!

Boy and proud! This was the first thing he showed us.

He also has... substantial thighs like his daddy. In fact, based on his measurements, he's in the 78th percentile for his age.

And, to be clear, EVERYONE was excited. All three of my girls are excited to have a little brother and I've already been asked if they get to hold him "when he's out and healthy and... clean."

(not) Ultrasound

I had my intake appointment on the 14th, last Tuesday, at my new clinic. They sent various body fluids off to be tested, and we all got to listen to baby’s heartbeat. The nurse also explained that since I will be opting to have a C-Section (I have already had to have two, and don’t want to risk serious complications), and my due date is December 31st, they would normally want to schedule the surgery for 1 week in advance which would land me in the hospital for a couple of days starting on Christmas Eve. She reassured me that we could push it back a couple of days so I can be with my kids on Christmas. Poor Christmas baby.

The clinic scheduled my 20 week, detailed ultrasound for the 21st, which actually coincides with my 21st week of pregnancy. I know and accept that this is my fault, because I hesitated to start prenatal appointments, not wanting to figure out how to fit them into my still otherwise normal life. But when that day came around, my partner had taken the day off of work, we had gotten the kids up and breakfasted, we were all dressed, I had done my makeup and hair... and I got a call from the clinic.

They informed me that their ultrasound machine was down. This was fairly early in the morning, so I can only assume that whatever it was, it happened overnight. At that point, they said they were bringing in a specialist to have a look and try to fix it, but they weren’t sure how long that would take. They asked me to call back before I left the house for my appointment, to check on the progress.

They’re a small, comfortable clinic, so it’s not surprising that they apparently have only one machine. Also, I am thankful that they caught us before we walked out the door, even though the clinic is only 6 minutes away, by google’s estimate. It is considerate of them to call.

When I called back about an hour later, the repair tech had only been there for around 20 minutes and still didn’t know what the trouble was. This time, “I’ll call you back as soon as I know something.” is what she offered.

When she called, about 15 minutes before my scheduled appointment, she explained that the machine was still not functioning, and they would need to reschedule my appointment, “does Friday morning work for you?”

I hate to be one of those disgruntled clients who gets short with a representative on the phone who had nothing to do with the delay. Don’t shoot the messenger. But the first thing to cross my mind was, “my partner is going to have to get ANOTHER day off.” and the truth is I wasn’t sure that Friday WAS going to be okay, because I needed to discuss it with him first. Even then, we have to wait until he goes back to work to see if he can even have the time off. I’m sure all of that made me sound... exasperated. I know it wasn’t this nice lady’s fault.

But I rescheduled my appointment for Friday at 9:15 AM. My partner just confirmed that morning off. Hopefully things will be fully functional by then, and we’ll see what there is to see.

Pending Baby

I don't normally blog in the middle of the week, but this is not a homeschooling update, so I thought I would just share it as it becomes available.I seem to be gaining some readership that extends beyond my friends and family, so I suppose I should let you know what they’ve already heard: I’m pregnant.

As of August 14th, I’ve met the 20 week mark, and am halfway to the finish line with baby number 4. I had specifically planned to avoid having more kids... until I met my partner. He doesn’t have any of his own, but he has been instrumental (and amazing) in day-to-day ventures with mine. We found out my sister was pregnant and decided to try for our own, with the thought that close-in-age cousins would be a great idea for the family. Then, right as we were finding out we were pregnant, we found out that his sister-in-law was as well. It’s going to be one crazy winter.

The most satisfying part about this whole experience is a convenient combination of being right, and this finally going the way I always thought it should. My partner has been incredibly supportive and helpful and understanding. I knew him to be a reliable and strong person, but a pessimistic part of me really clung to the idea that he would change as soon as he thought he had me committed. He hasn’t at all. I’ve been sick, or tired or emotional. There have been cravings, cry sessions, and energy crashes at dinner time. He stands by me through it all and doesn’t make me feel guilty for feeling weird.

Baby at 10 weeks

At 10 weeks, I wound up in the ER over some severe abdominal pain. After a thorough ultrasound, we’re still not sure what caused it. What matters is it never came back, and we got a chance to check out the baby and make sure everything was fine. Since then, I’ve had some trouble dealing with my insurance (and my resistance to what I see as unnecessary medical appointments) so I’ve only recently begun having regular check ups. A thorough ultrasound will follow shortly, and I’ll let you know what we find out.

By the way, we decided on the names Ada Danelle (girl) or Elon Tiberius (Boy). First names are linked to the person for whom our baby will be named.

Since I’m coming clean about this, I should let you know a few other dirty details of my life.

Obviously, my partner is not the father of my previous children (the twins and their little sister). They, however, do share a father: My husband. Yes, I’m still married to the guy, despite continued efforts to be otherwise. He and I have been physically separated (living in different states 1,000 or more miles away from each other) for around 20 months, now. I’ve spent this entire time trying to get a divorce, starting, of course, with the most basic, “I’m done and I want a divorce”. But it has been a nasty battle.

I’m not going to air the details of this experience to the entire internet, but I’m sure many of the divorcees out there have at least some idea what this feels like. It has actually been incredibly difficult not to explode to all of my friends on Facebook, on the more difficult days. I have managed to find a few to confide in, but mostly it stays between me and my mom. However, I will say that since I’ve rebooted my own life, I feel free, productive, beautiful, fresh, and desirable in ways I haven’t experienced in years. I’m a whole new person, and I feel big enough to face fears and insecurities I harbored and let grow as his wife.

A Post About Not Posting

I don't have anything substantial to post this week, but I wanted to be sure you didn't think I forgot about you. Tomorrow, I'm taking my three kids to visit my mom and my sister in Texas for six weeks. The road trip will take all weekend, and I will fly back home to clean, craft, cook, and have some time to myself.

It has been pretty difficult to keep up with the messes left behind my my crew, and I haven't had any time to myself. So this will be a vacation for me. I'm very thankful to my mom and sister, and they're excited to spend some of the summer with them, taking them to the zoo and such. The kids are all excited, too. Some days, they can't contain it.

Kudos To Stay At Homers

I've been a stay at home mom for over five years. That number rolls over to six whole years if you count all the way back to when I had to quit my job halfway through my pregnancy with the twins because my doctor put me on bed rest. Most moms in my position will tell you that this is absolutely not "just not working". It's difficult and time consuming. You can't call in sick, and you rarely get 15 minute breaks, let alone vacation days. You end up more than a little stir crazy if you're not careful. I have, admittedly, tried to quit this job. Twice, actually.

I don't mean I tried to quit being a parent. Instead, I simply tried to go back to work. I got a job at a gas station when my twins were only a few months old. There were many reasons that didn't work out. The twins were premature and colicky and I simply couldn't leave my mom home with them whenever I was working. I also couldn't afford a real babysitter on what I was making at that gas station, and the job was awful anyway. I would have quickly found myself unable to stay up through the night with the babies and then go to work during the day.

More recently, I was employed by the best funeral company in the Denver area. I was referred to as a "family services representative", which is a fancy way of saying I was a receptionist with A LOT of other responsibilities. They barely trained me and I had to learn my job as I went. I worked nights and weekends and made only as much per hour as I was paying a babysitter. I was lucky to find a job that paid even that much, considering I had been an unemployed mother for years.

I thought it would be fine, because my oldest kids (the twins) were 5 and well behaved and intelligent with no known medical problems. Additionally, I had friends who could watch them for free when they were off work, so my babysitting wasn't eating my entire paycheck. 

But I wound up getting fired for being "forgetful". Now, I've never been told that before, at least not without specific reference to being forgetful at a particular moment. I'm convinced I lost that job because I didn't really know what my responsibilities were. But I didn't do much pleading to save my employment because I was miserable there. 

I don't want to be a stay at home mom for the rest of their childhood. I want my kids to see a woman with a career and ambition.They need a role model. Besides, if I'm being honest, being at home with the kids, as the only adult in the house, is pretty mind-numbing. I love teaching them and exploring with them, I hate defusing every fight and correcting every mistake and finding socks covered in dust bunnies under the couch.

If you're a stay at home parent, I'm proud of you. Even if you have a job, if you spend your time at home engaged and interested in your children an taking care of their needs, you're a hero. And if you're a single parent still able to love and care for your child, bravo! It's difficult, and if you can't think of something you really dislike about being a parent, you're in denial. But if you're doing your best, you're doing some good.

My Homeschooling Training Wheels

Before I begin, this isn't about convincing everyone to choose to educate their children at home. It's about sharing my story, which might be your story, too. And it might just help you make the right decision for you and your family.


I really fought the idea of homeschooling my kids. I thought a lot of pretty typical things like, "public school was good enough for me." and "I don't know everything, how can I teach them all they need to know?" and "I don't want to deprive them of the social aspect of public school." Then there's the one most parents won't admit, publicly: "I can't wait to have that eight hours to myself!"


Now, my twins are five-years-old and I'm homeschooling them through their first year of "structured" learning. What happened?


Now that my first born kids are old enough to start school, I had to reevaluate those things I told myself, and it was scary. 


Was public school really good enough for me? Is it good enough for anyone anymore? Maybe it is, for some people. But it wasn't for me. And it's not a matter of smarter or better behaved or otherwise better prepared kids doing better (or worse) in public schools. Kids, and really all people, have different methods of learning, not all of which are met when a teacher has to constantly tend to 15 or 20 students. 


I got an education, and I graduated on time, and I was told how smart I was, but I wasn't interested in my lessons, I did as little as I could to get by, and the few things I was deeply interested in learning weren't offered at my school. Now that I'm openly talking with other adults, post-high school, I'm learning that I'm not nearly the only one who has these complaints. 


No, I DON'T know everything. That much is absolutely true. What I know is pretty limited. Of course I know a lot about what I care about. I try to keep up with psychology, and I can impress you with all of my knowledge if you take me to the zoo (I loved zoology and botany in school). But I'm only average at best in the field of math and when it comes to history, thank goodness for Wikipedia. 


Which brings me to my epiphany: I don't KNOW everything, but I have access to it. I have the internet and the library and my college text books. I also have the willingness to answer my kids' questions with, "I don't know, but let's find out!"


The most bizarre realization was that I do, in fact, want to deprive my kids of the social aspect of public school. I don't want to deny them the ability to make and spend time with friends. But that should not get in the way of a good education, and, in my experience, social issues destroy the educational scene in public schools for almost every student at one point or another (or many points). Honestly, the twins already have each other for distractions, and that's difficult enough.


As far as wanting that eight hours to myself... I can't answer for that. I still want that, and I know I won't get it this way. But nothing good in life is free. We barter our time for money at our jobs, and our money for food at the store, and as our Dalai Lama said, you should, “Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.” I'm not going to get everything I want. My children's education is more important to me than eight free hours a day to take more college classes, get a new job, or just bake a lot. My prerogative is to produce adults who are prepared for the world and ready to start a life and be successful, by their own definitions.


Here we go!