Discipline in Public

One of my friends (I used to hang out with her in high school) brought this topic up on facebook. What do you do when your kid is out of line in public? And, furthermore, what reactions do you get?

My friend has two boys and a girl, all in the wild and crazy, "hide in the clothes racks and throw fits over almost anything" age group. I assume those are things her kids do at the store. Those are things I did, and things my kids do now.

Obviously, Cub doesn't get time outs

Most of the time, I go to Target by myself or with just one of my kids. I wait to go until Papa is home, so I can get some time away from the house and the kids, or opt for some one-on-one time. That's what I prefer to do, but it doesn't always work out. Let's assume that, like me, you're not super privileged. You don't have a nanny, and you can't always leave your kids with your spouse or partner whenever you run out of milk. What would you be willing to do to keep your kid(s) under control while you're at the store?

Seriously, think about this one. A lot of us say we'd just do whatever we do at home... but we don't. Why? I have some theories.

We're embarrassed of how we discipline at home. We think other parents are going to judge us for whatever reaction we have. There are some people out there who will give you an evil look (or even report you to the store manager, apparently) for issuing a spanking. But there's nothing they can do about it. It's your right to choose to discipline your children as you see fit, as long as you're not using excessive force. Spanking is not considered abuse. If that's what works for your kids, do it. Besides, there are plenty of parents who look at me weird for giving my kids a time out in public. I'm sure it's because they don't think it's enough and they think I should have the guts to just smack them.

We're in a hurry to get out of the store. I give my kids time outs. They know that if a time out doesn't solve the problem, a swat is next. Rarely do we get that far. It can be extremely frustrating to sit one of my kids down for a six-minute time out in the middle of what should have been a quick errand. Maybe you're in a hurry to get home in time to make dinner. Maybe stopping to give one of your three or four kids a time out is daunting because it means you have to separate the pack and keep track of a time out and a couple of other wild things. Maybe you just figure the quicker you get of there, the less trouble they're able to get in. I get that. I'm guilty of this one sometimes.

We're too busy to really notice what our kids are doing. That might sound bad, but I don't mean that you aren't paying attention to your kids. What I'm suggesting is that when you call your child back to the cart after they've pulled something off of the shelf, they don't necessarily get the punishment they would have gotten for disobeying at home because you're also tracking how much you're about to spend and where to go to find the next item on the list. There's a lot going on. You saw what your kid did... you know what just happened... it just doesn't occur to you to be as offended as you would have been at home. I'm sure I'm guilty of this one, too.

Here's the one thing I think is almost never the culprit: poor discipline at home. This is not to say that there aren't kids who run wild and have no rules at home. I just don't think they are the rule and we are the exception. Kids who are well behaved at home can be crazy in new and exciting places. I've heard that fluorescent lighting was thought to exacerbate ADHD, but recent research has ruled this out. Considering how kids behave in the grocery store, is anyone surprised that this theory was taken seriously?

Some tips from my experience:

1. If you know you're going to be in a hurry, tell your kids what you expect of them before you enter the store. Give them specific rules and even more specific consequences for breaking them. This really does smooth out the flow.
2. If your child breaks those rules relentlessly just because he knows you're too busy to discipline him, take it one step further next time. Carve out time to take him to the store when you're not in a hurry. You don't even have to buy anything. Just set out the rules and consequences again and wander around the store, strictly enforcing each rule as he breaks them. If you need to, do this multiple times before your next real shopping trip. 
3. Let them feel the heat. Time outs in public work wonders for my girls because it's embarrassing. I've talked to them about it. One of my twins says she knows that everyone can tell she did something wrong when she's on time out and she doesn't like that people she doesn't even know can see that she's in trouble. Time outs in Target are actually even more useful than at home. 

Potty Problems 2 - Hospital Problems

Yesterday, C had an appointment with the Children's Hospital of Aurora Urology department to check her progress. You can read more about the history of her situation on this previous post. A few people have asked how her check up went, but it seemed to complicated to explain to everyone, so I thought I'd write it here.

C's appointment was at 3:00. We showed up just a little bit early, and were called out of the waiting area pretty close to on time. C had her blood pressure and weight measured, she was given a bottle of water, and we were escorted to our room.

The specialist we saw three months ago, Marguerite, is now on maternity leave, so we saw Erin. One of the first things Erin said was something like, "... she'll go use the special toilet, hopefully soon because I'm supposed to go home at 3:30." She smiled. I smiled. What I was thinking was, "I didn't come here to have you push us out the door so you can go home on time."

As a side note: I'm sick. Today, I'm starting to feel better, but yesterday was pretty rough for me. The Cub is also sick, with the same symptoms, and Papa usually doesn't get home until 4:30. So, I was pretty sure I was going to have to drag all of the kids, including a snot-nosed baby, to the hospital. Yes, I made that appointment, and I chose to have four kids. I'm not complaining about having to take four kids to the doctor. I take four kids to the grocery store sometimes. It's not a big deal. But I made this appointment three months in advance. I didn't know two of us were going to be miserably sick. And I am opposed to taking feverish kids out of the house, if it can be avoided.

The day before yesterday, I called the hospital and attempted to reschedule our appointment because it was obvious that the Cub and I were not getting better quickly enough. Unfortunately, I was informed that the next available appointment was in January, so I kept the slot I already had.

Papa took a couple of hours of sick time so he could be home in time for me to take C to her appointment without having to take the three other kiddos.

Needless to say, I was not happy to feel like we were being brushed off.

Moving on...

They use this ultrasound-like wand to measure the amount of urine in her bladder. It doesn't show her bladder like the prenatal ultrasounds do, it just gives a read-out of the approximate number of milliliters of urine. Before her trip to the special toilet, she was measuring in the low 30's.

The "special toilet" is just a toilet. It has a machine hanging in it that collects and measures her urine. She had a hard time relaxing enough to go... probably because this toilet is a normal, adult toilet and she has to brace herself with her hands to keep from falling in. When she finally did, the machine measured about 5ml. But then the wand said she was empty.

Minutes later, Erin came in to quickly inform me that, in her opinion, the "special toilet" should be trusted, and not the wand. "Considering how much water she drank, she really should have peed more." She said that C should continue her potty routine and come back in a few more months.

So, ultimately, I'm not sure I have any useful, new information as a result of that visit. I feel like we were being pushed around because Erin was impatient and wanted to go home. The equipment was obviously in error somewhere along the line, and no one wanted to take the time to figure it out.

Now, we have to wait 3 more months to see Marguerite again.

Sew Elastic to Sleeping Bags

All this time, I thought sleeping bags all had two elastic loops attached to the foot for securing them in that cinnamon roll shape when you store them. Some months ago, I ordered some beautiful sleeping bags for all of the girls. When I pulled them out, I was surprised to find that they came with the elastic loops I was used to, but they weren't attached.

I learned that my mom sewed those loops to the foot of my sleeping bag so I wouldn't lose them on Girl Scout trips. So, I planned to do the same.

I kept procrastinating. It was a small project, and it didn't seem that important. It could wait. I was kind of burned out on sewing after making blankets for M and the Cub. I had crochet projects to do. Trust me, I could go on listing excuses I made for myself. Of course, it didn't help that no one else cared if it was done. There's nothing like a total lack of accountability to help you procrastinate like a pro.

Recently, the girls were pretending to be winter fairies (thanks, Tinkerbell) and couldn't be in the sun. I found them all cowering under an arrangement of child-sized umbrellas, just outside of the shadow cast by the patio roof. These are the adorable eccentricities of childhood play.


That seemed a good enough excuse to pitch the tent in the back yard for a day or two. I guess you can't have a tent without sleeping bags. Without much thought, I put all of the elastic loops in a hanging pouch attached to the tent and told the girls to leave them there. Still, despite my instructions, the elastic loops became princess tiaras and who knows what else just before they became... scattered across our property.

It was definitely time to permanently attach them.

Once I located all six loops, I set up the sewing machine and, soon, wondered why I hadn't done it before.

Mark where you will attach your loops. I used a Crayola marker. I have Crayola markers in abundance and they wash out extremely easily. To determine where your loops should be, roll your sleeping bag the way you typically would, including strapping the elastic loops on, then mark where the loops overlap the outer-most segment of zipper. Mark at the seam between the zipper and the sleeping bag fabric.

Open the sleeping bag and pin the loops to the zipper edging on one side. You are going to sew as far away from the zipper (and as close to the seam) as you can manage. I deliberately pulled a bit of the inner sleeping bag material into my pinning. I wanted to add an extra bit of security to the stitch. I'm not sure if that made any difference, though.

Sew it all together. Take your time. Sleeping bags are puffy and unwieldy. It is very easy to end up sewing layers you didn't mean to. Also, be thorough. I did four passes. Remember that these are going to be pulled on a lot.

Of course, you could seam rip where you intend to attach the loops. I considered doing that myself. It seemed a bit excessive and I wasn't sure I'd be able to put it back together satisfactorily.

Now, when you roll up your sleeping bag, make sure to roll from head to foot, so the elastics are on the finishing end. When you get to the finishing end, your loops will be easy to wrap around the whole roll.


It took about 15 minutes for me to do this to all three sleeping bags. I honestly can't believe I didn't just do this the day I got them. Now, I don't have to worry about anyone (anyone) losing the elastics.

This Blog Is Long

In a previous post, I related my Tricare frustrations to you. Since then, I've been taking my girls to that clinic I described, with three practicing pediatricians that accept Tricare. Unsurprisingly, though, I'm increasingly dissatisfied with them.

This blog is long.

My first experience with them was great. I took one of my six-year-olds in and, after a talk with a pediatrician, got a referral to a specialist, which was exactly what I knew she needed. There was no long wait to get an appointment or to be seen, and the doctor asked relevant questions without making me feel like and idiot. She believed me, understood my concerns, and passed me on to someone better qualified to help me.

However, my next dealing with them, involved having the girls' medical records forwarded from Hawaii. It was an inexplicable nightmare.

Time zones are vastly different and the clinic in Hawaii is on a military base. It is operated by and serves exclusively military personnel and their families. Aside from those inherent obstacles, the clinic here in Colorado made a huge mess of things.

I filled out the authorizations for transfer of records at the Colorado clinic and had them faxed to Hawaii. For the next two months, I was pulling my hair out.

I had to fax the authorization twice. I don't know what happened to the first set, but Hawaii informed me that I needed to send a new set.

The first person I talked to at the Hawaii location said it would take a week or more for the authorization to be processed and the records to be returned. Two weeks later, nothing had happened, so I called them back. This time, I spoke to a different person who said that first guy had no idea what he was talking about, "it takes less than a day." So I faxed the second authorization to this new person.

For a while, it went like this:

1. Call Hawaii and ask them to fax the records.
2. Wait
3. Get a call back from Hawaii informing me that the fax went through and a confirmation was received.
4. Wait
5. Call Colorado and find out they never got the records and don't know why.
6. Repeat

Eventually, after double and triple checking for correct phone numbers, Hawaii decided to just FedEx the hard copies because no one could figure out what the problem was. But once Colorado received the package, they still couldn't do anything with it because two of my girls were still not in their system. All three had primary care physicians at this clinic, but only one of them had been seen at this point, so the other two were never added to their files.

I lost my temper. I think that's why they finally added my other two daughters, despite them not having had appointments yet. I just needed printed copies of their immunization records to submit to the district for homeschool purposes. How difficult can that be?

Additionally, when I called the Colorado clinic, I couldn't speak to the receptionist at the location the girls go to, I could only call a general number and select options from a menu, ending up talking to the chain's records department. For some reason, almost every time I called I wound up talking to a specific woman I could hardly understand. To make matters worse, she could hardly understand me. Instead of listening carefully, she interrupted me when I was trying to spell my kids' names for her. Of course, she misspelled them, and couldn't find them in the system even after they had been added.

When they did finally get all of that worked out and printed the immunization sheets for me, they informed me that the girls were all behind on their shots. I knew this. I made an appointment to get them caught up.

I thought we were done with the paperwork fumbling.

After the appointment, they gave me printed immunization charts for M and S which they had updated with pen. That's fine for my use, but I needed one for each of the three girls, and something more official for sending to the district. I called Friday to make the request. They said the charts would be available Monday and I'd receive a call when they were ready.

Monday, I received the call but missed it. The woman left a message that said, "I was just calling to let you know that the shot records you requested for your girls are ready for pick up here at the (location) office. If you have any questions please give us a call. It'll be ready for you at the front desk." So I had Papa drop by on his way home from work.

They told him they didn't have anything to give him and that the call was probably to inform us that they had received the girls' records from Hawaii, which, by my recollection, happened over a month ago. Besides, the woman said the records I requested were, "ready for pick up... at the front desk."

When Papa got home, I raged for a few minutes in my bathroom to avoid ruining my now four-year-old's birthday. Then, I called them back at exactly 5:00. Unfortunately, that's exactly when they closed. I was sent to an answering service that only takes messages about sick kids. I vented at that poor gentleman and then apologized because, "I know it's not your fault. You had nothing to do with it. I'm just very upset because I keep dealing with one problem after another from these people." He said he understood but, unfortunately, the only thing I could do was call back during business hours.

I didn't have to. They called me at 8:58 the next day and left another message: "This is Advanced Pediatrics calling to let you know that (C), (S), and (M)'s shot records are ready for pick up here at the (location) office."

Papa is headed there after work again today. I want to smack someone.

M's Birthday Cake

Some things went wrong with M's birthday cake. The royal icing rainbow crumbled when I tried to remove it from the wax paper on which it was drawn. The icing I originally used to write on the top of the cake melted into the frosting. The piping frosting I made for the clouds and edging was chunky and I had to use store-bought stuff instead. But it tasted amazing, and the cake and base frosting were perfect.

For her cake, I knew I wanted a batter that would produce a very white cake. My plan was to create a six-layer rainbow cake, so I needed a white base to fill with food coloring.

To make this delicious white cake, you will need:
2 1/4 cups cake flour
1 cup milk at room temperature
6 large egg whites at room temperature
2 teaspoons almond extract
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 3/4 cups granulated sugar
4 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter softened but still cool

I doubled the recipe to make six, thin layers.

Directions:
Make sure milk and eggs are room temperature. If you have a lot of time, just sit them out over night. I put my eggs (still whole and in their shells) straight into a bowl of warm (not hot) water and poured my milk into a measuring cup with a handle, hooked the handle over the edge of the bowl, and partially submerged the measuring cup. I gave it about an hour and all were room temperature.
Preheat your oven to 350. I didn't do this until near the end of making the batter. I'm a rebel when it comes to preheating.
Prepare pans you intend to use. I used cooking spray on the two round pans I have. Needing to make six layers, I cleaned, sprayed and reused my two pans three times.
Mix wet ingredients. In a medium bowl, mix milk, egg whites, and extracts by hand until blended.
Mix dry ingredients. In a separate bowl (the bowl of your stand mixer if you have one), combine cake flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt with an electric mixer on medium speed.
Add butter. Cut butter into cubes and add to dry ingredient mixture. Beat on low for 1-2 minutes.
Combine wet and dry ingredients. Add all but 1/2 cup of wet ingredients to dry ingredients. Beat on medium speed for 1 1/2 minutes, then add remaining wet ingredients and beat for 1 additional minute.
Pour batter evenly in pan(s).
Bake for 27-30 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.

For my cake, I separated my batter (a double batch) into six different bowls and added a different color of food coloring to each bowl. Also, keep in mind that I had to bake my six layers in three separate sessions. My last two colors of batter sat on my counter for almost an hour before being baked and turned out just fine. If you only have one cake pan and want to make layers, you can just bake two or three layers separately.

The base frosting I made was much easier, but still tasty.

To make this super easy frosting, you need:
Vanilla Instant Jello pudding mix (I used two large boxes)
Milk
Whipped Cream

Directions:
Empty Vanilla pudding mix into a bowl. Add half the amount of milk that the box recipe calls for.
Whisk until it begins to thicken.
Add whipped cream until frosting reaches desired consistency

This frosting is light and delicious. It holds well as a spreadable frosting but lacks structural quality (after all, it's made of jello pudding) and probably won't hold a piped form very well. It also cracked in my refrigerator after about a day, but that could be touched up easily.

White cake recipe adapted from www.epicurious.com 

Chickens in Aurora

I borrowed this image from this petition for Chickens in Aurora

This entry is focused on my experience. I'll write a separate entry detailing my list of pros and cons with regards to backyard chickens.

We moved into this house about nine months ago. It was a huge upgrade from our apartment in a lot of ways. Now, we have our own back yard and driveway. We no longer live on the third floor (with no elevator), which was a huge set-back for teaching the kids to ride bikes. Our house is close to, but not directly adjacent to, a main road. In fact, it's far enough away that I can barely hear the traffic with the doors open and the girls can safely ride their bikes to the park with us. Perhaps most importantly, the apartment had two bedrooms. This house has three bedrooms, plus one extra which has been repurposed as a playroom. Most of them are bigger than the apartment's master bedroom. This house is more than twice the size of our apartment.

Unfortunately, as with most major life changes, there were a couple of drawbacks as well. Cell phone signal is spotty, and we had to switch providers just to get usable service. Also, our living room is heated with a gas fireplace, and it gets expensive in the winter.

There's one other important area in which our home falls short. At the risk of sounding exactly like what you imagine when you hear "homeschool”... we want chickens. The city of Denver (our geographical neighbor) has approved urban homesteading measures including limited hen ownership in the city. Aurora has not.

There has been talk of the possibility at City Council meetings. We are not the only enthusiastic, budding, urban farmers in Aurora. Local people have spoken their points about the sustainability movement. Apparently, our current Mayor is in favor of the change, and has suggested implementing it through a slower process, by which certain wards would set an example for the rest by allowing urban farming first. This way, more resistant wards could watch and learn from others' success or failure.

I've been rallying for backyard hens, but only online. I've passed around a virtual petition. I've debated the benefits and possible risks in web-based city forums with less enthusiastic residents. And my efforts have not gone unnoticed.

I was recently sent an invite to, and schedule of, all of the city council meetings, from the office of our ward representative. I'm definitely considering attending, but I've never been to one of these. I actually don't know what is expected of me, or what I should expect to experience. Is it appropriate to bring my six-year-olds? After all, one of them is deeply interested in the chicken movement, and I think a city counsel meeting would be a fantastic educational experience. What would I need to do if I wanted to speak at the meeting? What would I need to know in order to prepare a speech?

One way to get the answers is to attend a meeting I suppose.

If this is an initiative you care about, check out Chicks In Aurora on Facebook and Blogger.

Vacations with Kids

I don't hate traveling with my kids. I will admit, though, that I certainly used to. Actually, I haven't taken them anywhere on a plane since we flew back from Hawaii a few years ago. Since I have four kids, it's actually cheaper (not to mention easier) to road trip anywhere within the country. But I did fly to Hawaii with two not-quite-two-year-old girls and back with two four-year-olds and a one-year-old.

If you're about to fly to Hawaii with young children, I do not envy you.

In my experience, airline staff are (at least for the most part) understanding and considerate. Having to fly, alone, with my toddler twins, I met only one employee I could have punched in the face. He was a twenty-something, red-headed man at the terminal who said something nasty about why I didn't have help, but only to one of his coworkers... as I was walking away. I didn't have help because my fiancé was a Navy man. We were flying to my dad's house from separate states. "Learn some respect and grow a pair!" is what I should have said.

Rant aside, I have had great experiences with airline personnel. They've always helped me get a better seat when needed, and other passengers have always been very understanding. I need to sit with my kids, preferably near a bathroom, and you do not want to be between us and the aisle.

These are my five most important lessons from flying with children:

1. Pack your own carry-on items as lightly as possible. Make room for all of the stuff your kids might want. They don't understand the frustrating circumstance of being locked in a tube in the sky, unable to access their favorite things on a whim.
2. Have a small diaper bag for the essentials. Pack it with only things you need for a change. Remember, airplane bathrooms are tiny. You definitely don't want to take your hulking diaper bag in there, filled with bottles, bibs, and a huge container of powder. (Side note: buy the travel size powder and cream.)
3. Don't forget to bring changes of clothes. If baby spits up a lot, or soaks diapers to the point of leaking, you might want a change of clothes for yourself, too.
4. Smile. This advice was given to me before my first plane trip with the girls. It truly must be the most under-rated trick in the motherhood book. Smiling makes you more approachable. It may seem like people would want to help you more if you seemed frazzled and helpless, but it honestly doesn't work like that. Smile, say "thank you" in the most cheerful and appreciative tone you can muster, and don't let them see you sweat.
5. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Looking helpless and asking for help are not the same thing. A line from my history: "Is there any way I could get one of those airport trolley things to help me get these car seats to my next terminal?" For some reason, when people see you doing a heroic job of keeping your herd together without a tear, they want to help you.

When it comes to road-tripping, know this: It's going to take longer than you expected.

I have a huge vehicle. We have, in the past, gotten two adults, three kids in carseats, two large dogs, and a week's worth of supplies into my car; now, with a fourth carseat in the car, we can never take the dogs.

We've done road trips lasting anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days with these kids. I've braved long road trips with them for their entire lives, starting with two infants. Let me share my knowledge of the road:

1. Overestimate... everything. We always plan time for meals, but we forget how long it takes to get kids to eat enough food to tide them over until the next meal. Count the number of diapers you use in a day: bring at least one and a half times that number for each road trip day. Another huge mistake we've made is not bringing enough music. You won't alway have radio, and you're going to get tired of the same six CDs. Man, I wish I had an aux port.
2. Learn to love cosmetic wipes. I wouldn't recommend cleaning your face (or anyone else's) with a standard baby wipe, but a cosmetic wipe sure hits the spot when you can't take a real shower. Besides, for some reason my face feels greasier when I've spent a day in the car.
3. Remember what not to pack. Bring your kid's favorite stuffed animal or blanket, but, for the love of sanity, don't pack it! Put it in the floor, in front of them, or on the seat beside them. You do not want to pull over to find it when they want it five minutes after you pull out of the driveway. Bring snacks, water, and appropriate games and toys. Put them in a separate bag where you can access them on demand. If your car has those nice pockets in the back of the driver and passenger seats and your kid can reach that far, use them.
4. If you can help it, try not to stay on the road over night. You're not the only one who would benefit from some real rest in a hotel, or at a friend's house along the way. It's hard for kids to sleep in the car. It's hard for me to sleep in the car. And if everyone is grumpy at 6AM on day two, we're in for trouble.
5. Even if you can't stay at a hotel, they will, in fact, sleep. Still, don't bother with the usual schedule. They won't sleep for the normal eight or more hours at a time, but it will still be nice when they do stop babbling back there. Bring a book, a crocheting project, your laptop, or anything else you can spend that time doing (unless you're driving).
6. Again, make a diaper bag of only the essentials. You don't know what those gas station restrooms will have in store for you. Bring sanitizer and, if you have someone in diapers, a portable changing pad.
7. And, if you do have a diapered bottom, stop frequently. This is incredibly important because sitting in those diapers for long periods of time can cause unbelievable diaper rash, even if they're barely wet. I made this mistake early in my motherhood. So, change the butt-cover early and often. Keep powder and cream on hand. You may even want to do a preemptive powder coat with every diaper to keep a dry bottom.