Sleep For a Mom

For the last few days, my son has been congested, but only at night. During the day, it all seems to come streaming down his face and I've stopped believing I can keep up with it. At night, he wakes up crying. At first, I thought it was teething, because he's getting all four canines simultaneously. Then, after the first night of repeated wake up calls came the first day of incessant nose wiping.

The next night, I inclined one end of his mattress by stuffing a folded up blanket under it, plugged in his Vicks vaporizer under his crib, and gave him a precautionary dose of ibuprofen in hopes that the anti-inflammatory might ease the swelling of his mucous membranes and, if it was teething, that was covered.

We still lost sleep. After two nights of wrecked sleep, Papa took a sick day and stayed home and I noticed something:

Toddler sleep deprivation is different from baby sleep deprivation.

When the Cub was small, I hardly slept at all. I knew I had to be up every few hours to feed him, so I could never really relax enough to get truly restful sleep. During the day, I was... Okay I guess, but easily worn out and grumpy. I wasn't keeping up with all of my chores, but not exactly because I was tired. The Cub's perpetual needs kept me going and even helped me get out of bed in the morning because I knew he needed me, and no matter how many times he had me up through the night, he was still going to be up on time in the morning.

Now, if he wakes up more than one, brief time in the night, he is very likely to sleep in the next morning. What a relief for me! Even though I still have to get up to get breakfast ready for the girls, I can relax on the couch or even get back in bed for a bit before the toddler gets up. And you know once the toddler is up, there's no rest 'til nap time because if I stop watching, he's unrolling the toilet paper like a cat or sneaking out the back door his sisters didn't quite manage to latch.

When he was a baby, I felt like I was in constant survival mode through the whole night, every night, just trying to fall asleep at all and basically never reaching deep sleep. But when I had to get up to feed him, I was only slightly reluctant. Now, he almost never cries for anything at night and I've become comfortable enough to sleep soundly again. Even when he gets sick like this, he seems to only need me when I'm in the deepest sleep possible. His cry still wakes me, even when it doesn't wake Papa, but I stumble to his room, slamming my shoulder into the door frame (surprised that didn't wake Papa), and the part of my brain that is totally awake wants to face-palm and sees what my body is doing as either a deliberate defiance or a great audition for a zombie flick. That part of my brain is also intensely worried that my body might fail when it comes time to get the Cub out of his crib... Obviously I'm doing such a good job getting myself out of my bedroom already, right? But I always do fine.

Generally, by the time I get to his crib, I'm in much better control of my limbs, plus it turns out that mommy-mode is actually quite powerful.

Sleep deprivation is sleep deprivation. It gives me headaches and sore muscles and makes me grumpy and slow. It doesn't matter if it's chronic sleep deprivation or just a few nights, the following day suffers the consequences. Nights like last night (zombie flick audition night) are much harder to get through because they happen infrequently, so I'm relaxed enough to get to that deep sleep that's so hard to get out of. Still, I wouldn't trade it for the months of waking up every few hours in his early babyhood. I never even got to deep sleep back then.

For all the moms dealing with sleep deprivation: it gets easier. Your precious sleep cycle will come back. Just keep moving forward, one day at a time.