The Same But Different

I have twins who will be seven in a couple of months. They're technically identical, and some people have trouble telling them apart. To me, they couldn't be more different. C's favorite color is, and has always been pink. S used to love green; now she prefers purple. C is more helpful around the house and with the Cub. If I ask someone to fetch a diaper, it's usually C who jumps to action. S is much quieter and more agreeable most of the time. She listens and rarely argues, while C often challenges my assertions and wants to know why.

They've been this way for as long as I've been able to tell, and their differences affect everything. Homeschooling is no different. In fact, my desire to see that they are given individual attention based on their unique personalities was a huge factor in deciding to homeschool. Still, it can be quite a challenge to shepherd two children, at different paces, through the same lessons.

1. Allow time for the slower child to complete the task. She's capable, she's just not in a hurry. Sometimes she takes longer to complete a lesson because she wants to carefully consider her answers. She also writes slower and more carefully. If the goal of the assignment is to show that she understands something, time is not important.

2. Find tasks that are more suited to each child's speed. One of the twins loves to knock out math problems on Khan Academy, the other finds her pace with crafts. Of course, both must do some math, and both do crafts. The important thing is that they each have their moment to shine and feel talented.

3. Encourage them to keep trying. I'm currently trying to emphasize the importance of the word, "yet". My faster twin is intensely discouraged if she tries something new a few times and repeatedly fails. I tell her instead of, "I can't do it." she should try remind herself, "I haven't been able to do it yet." If she keeps trying she'll probably get better, just like when she learned to do a cartwheel.

4. Remind them to help each other. I actually try not to always be available when they're trying to learn to do something. I may be cooking in the kitchen while they're in the front room trying out back limbers. I can offer helpful words like, "remember, we don't always get it the first time or even a hundred times after that. That's why we keep trying." and "It was hard for you to learn a cartwheel and she helped you. Now you can help her with this. Everyone struggles sometimes. It's important that we help each other and keep trying."

5. Separate them sometimes. When I introduce a task that requires creativity, I often separate them so they don't use each other's ideas. I helped them write their own stories and took them, one at a time, into a separate room. Once,
I had them each write a list of reasons they like their sister (they were fighting a lot that day) and put them at separate tables in separate rooms. I sat with each of them for a few minutes at a time to offer spelling assistance.

My goal is to raise girls who are unique and independent people, but who understand that the occasional (sometimes repeated) failure is inevitable, we learn from our mistakes, everyone needs a little help sometimes, and asking for help is much better than quitting.